What a Day for a Daydream....

"You be You".  I say that to my kids every day.  All I want for them is to be wholly and fully who they are.  Not what I imagine for them.  Not what society says is OK for them.  You be You.  No shame, no apologies, no secrets.  That's my dream...

But every day the world tells them the exact opposite.  You be You as long as your skin is just right, you wear certain clothes, you weigh next to nothing, and you love who it's "OK" to love.  You be You as long as you fit in where "we/they" think you should.  Blend in.  Don't be different.  I dread the day when my sensitive son is called "gay" and my opinionated daughter is called a "bitch".  They better not be smart or else they are "nerds".  They better not have challenges or else they are "retarded".  They better not love someone like them or else they are second class citizens. 

I want to KNOW who my kids are; I never want them have to reveal themselves to me.  I don't want to be the kind of parent that pushes my kid to be a doctor, then is disappointed when they want to dance.  I don't want to put my expectations of who they are, or who they should be, on them.  I never want them to have to sit me down and "come out" and fear what I might say. 

So how can I teach them to be accepting of who they are, and of everyone else, when we live in a world that is so intolerant?  How do I teach them You be You?  How do I teach them to fight the good fight?  That's the million dollar question, isn't it...

My answer...every day I will fight the good fight.  Every day I will tell them to be themselves.  I will tell them how much I love them and their individuality.  I will tell them how lucky Baby H  and A are because they get to have two mommies, not just one.  I will make love and family normal to them, no matter what it looks like.  I will teach them to love who they want to love, to wear what they want to wear, and to be who they want to be.  I will show them that good people come in all forms, and all I expect from them is to be good, honest, caring people.  You be You, little ones.   

But I will also have to teach them that the world isn't fair.  Not everyone has the same rights.  Not everyone is nice.  They will never have a time in their lives that they didn't know about child abuse, and that mommy's job is to "find homes".  I will continue to fight the good fight and teach them to make a difference, in any small way they can.  At age five, my son is constantly pulling out toys he hasn't played with in a while to give to "other boys who don't have toys", and his only question about Baby H and her two mommies is "why do they live so far away".  I think he is remarkable, and I am so proud of him.  

My hope for them as they grow up is that they get to live in a tolerant world.  A world where the people in my life that I adore can make the same choices for their family that I can make for mine.  That they grow up with the confidence to speak their mind, and the strength of character to stand up for good.  That they fight the good fight, whatever fight they chose. 

We were all taught as young children that actions speak louder than words, so I must always remember that they are watching.  They are watching my actions, big and small, and taking it all in one day at a time.  I will change my profile picture, and keep placing children in need with all types of families that have love and safety to provide.  I will show my kids daily actions of change, and hope that they grow up to be active in their little piece of the world.

Today, the door was opened, if ever so slightly, for families to finally become "legitimate" families.  Maybe, just maybe, we are one step closer to a tolerant world.  I hope that someday my children read about this day in their history books as a changing day for our country.  I hope they someday feel as bewildered and ashamed at the denial of civil rights of so many people that we love, as I do.  I hope by the time they can understand DOMA, it's meaning and it's impact, it's as shocking and absurd to them as the 1960's Civil Rights movement that I read about in my history books. 

I have hope for them, and today, I gained a glimmer of hope for the bigger picture.  But in the meantime...You be You, little ones.  You be You.